Loving Unconditionally

As a woman, I have had more than my fair share of heartaches and unhealthy relationships. I have been hurt, and my self- esteem and faith in love have been non-existent. I have spent nights crying and praying for God to heal me so that I can receive the love that is designed for me.

A woman’s heart is incredible. We get hurt by people we love and still find enough strength to pray for love again. Our hearts remain open, and our capacity to love remains unchanged.

Here is my question, how do women who are so eager to love continue to be hurt? It has to be everyone else right? Or, is it something we are doing?

I often wonder if our take on love (in relationships) is a little skewed. We as women always talk about unconditional love. We talk about how we give unconditional love. We talk about how we deserve unconditional love. Here’s the catch, do we understand what unconditional love is?

I believe that unconditional love is uncommon. In today’s society, there are so many things that influence our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs on love. We start to form these unrealistic expectations on how love should be and what love looks like based on these influences. We think love should make a certain amount of money, have a high profile career, spoil you, change what you don’t like about them for you,  I could go on and on, but you get the picture. We are taught that love must be earned, and when the person hasn’t “earned” our love, we take it away.

Unconditional love is uncommon because we put stipulations and requirements on love. We only offer love when the person meets our demands. As women, we do our best to love, but we must learn to stop projecting our hurt, anger, and unrealistic expectations on the very people we are trying to love.

So, What is unconditional love? It is love without any expectations; it holds no stipulations, it does not come with strings attached. Unconditional love is always present even when we get disappointed. Unconditional love is comforting, it is honest, it is empowering, and it elevates us.

Ladies, Unconditional love is uncommon, but it is not unattainable. We must begin to be agents of change for ourselves. We must first let go of what is holding us back. It may be hurt from a broken relationship or letting go of your expectations. It starts with you. Give your love unconditionally (of course to someone deserving) and watch how love changes your world.

First Corinthians 12:4-8 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”


My Brother’s Keeper


As black women do we support black men in the way that they truly need our support? I’m not talking about cooking, cleaning, monetarily,  or buying them gifts. While these things are in fact supportive actions I am referring to a deeper type of support. The kind of support that provides a safe space for black men to be open and honest and express their emotions without judgement. Do we listen to their dreams and aspirations and support them in their endeavors?  Or is the support that we give to black men only contingent upon what the man does for us?

In speaking with a few close male friends I have come to realize that we (black women) are doing a poor job supporting our black men. The things that we think men want and value is what we put our efforts into but I feel we may have missed the mark. Black men need our emotional support. We must provide them with the space to be honest, feel loved unconditionally, make mistakes, and dream. We must learn to support our black men in their efforts and businesses. We must show up at their events, buy their products, support their studies, and encourage their dreams.

We often forget that the same struggle we face as black women our black men face them as well. I believe that in truly supporting each other our community will be elevated to a much higher level spiritually, emotionally, and  economically.  So as we are supporting each other as women in our endeavors I implore you to not forget about lending some of our support to black men.

Wishing you love, peace, and light,