Don’t Come For My Feelings

Validation is something that we all need as humans. When we are going through troubled times the feeling of validation from your lover, family, or friend makes all of the difference. Validation says I am here, I see you, I hear you, I understand, and what you feel is important and matters. So often in relationships we forget the importance of validation. It says I love you, I want to communicate with you, and I accept you. The importance of validation cannot be overstated. It is a critical part in any healthy relationship.

When we don’t validate the feelings and emotions of those we hold dear it can cause an adverse reaction to the other person emotionally. Weather it be intentional or unintentional denying a person their right to whatever emotions they may have can cause extreme feelings of anxiety and confusion.

Surprisingly enough we invalidate others regularly and don’t even realize it. We do it when we ignore those who reach out to us to “just talk”. We do it when some people get so emotional they can’t seem to get their thought together we dismiss them as “bad communicators”. We do it when we decide we “are just not having the conversation”. We do it when we say ” you shouldn’t feel that way” or “I am sorry you feel that way”. Or my favorite “just move on from it”.

What Can We Do To Make A Person’s Feel Validated

  • We must begin to understand that validating someone’s feelings or emotions does not mean you agree, you can say your emotions are valid but that does not necessarily mean you have to like it.
  • Everything is not about you! Learn to listen without being defensive. If you are the cause of the emotion take responsibility for whatever part you played be it big or small. Listen to hear and not to respond. Speak with love.
  • LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN ! Listen for understanding.  Do not try to tell the person how they feel.
  • Be Present. Hold their hand, sit with them while they cry, send a card, let your presence be known. let the person know that you heard them and you understand their position (and while you may not agree all the time understanding goes a long way). Always be authentic and genuine. Don’t forget to act and speak with LOVE!

Walking In The Truth

Reality Check as defined by Merriam – Webster is something that clarifies or serves as a reminder of reality, often by correcting a misconception.

I am a dreamer. I get lost in love. I always look for the best in people and situations. I am overly loyal to people in situations that I know could be detrimental to my well being. I am optimist who sometimes lives in a dream world full of false hope. That’s me 💁🏽

Facts, reality checks are a way of life for me. I constantly take account of situations and people in my life. In my world these checks are necessary. I have the tendency to romanticize situations in my life. It’s a horrible habit. So I check myself often.

The importance of a reality check is quite simple: it saves you a lot of heartache and pain in the long run. As women we sometimes operate on what we want and how we “feel” instead of what is real. We listen to words and ignore the actions. We get lost in the thought that we can change a situation or a person with our love 😒. We must learn to watch the signs. Listen to what people say and do. Learn to access situations and people often and if it’s harmful to you WALK AWAY.

I am a walking testimony of the empowering feeling that you get from walking away for people and situations that no longer serve you. You don’t have to be loud about it. You don’t have to offer an explanation. Just walk away with grace, take the lessons that you have learned and apply them to your life.

You got the juice now ❤️

It’s Time To Be Real – My Reason Why



Today, as I was going over a few topics that I have written down to blog about I realized that I never shared with you “my reason why”.  What made me decide to found Elev8her?
Well, I would be remiss not to share my “why” with you.

Let’s start at the beginning. I had a wonderful childhood. One could say I had a charmed childhood. I was a spoiled daddy’s girl (I still am) who did not have a care in the world. My parents did a great job of shielding me from the troubles of the world. I often think maybe they did to good of a job because when I left for school at the age of eighteen, I was completely naive.

My first year in college was a roller coaster ride. It wasn’t the freedom that got me, it was the men (Pause here: No I didn’t leave home and become promiscuous). In high school, I never had a “real” boyfriend. My father always encouraged me to enjoy life and not spend my time concentrating on boys. So after my one great heartache that’s  what I did in high school…I enjoyed my life. Fast forward back to college, I had no idea how to interact with men or have healthy relationships.

My first “relationship” (I guess you could call it that) was with a man much older than me. I met him on my first day of band camp. He was controlling and liked to alienate me from my friends. Oh, and did I forget to mention unbeknown to me he was married. That “relationship” didn’t last long. After that monstrosity, I met one of the sweetest men I have ever known. He was a musician (insert fist pump), he was giving, he was kind, and he was fine. To date it was one of my best relationships. We, of course, didn’t last because we were young, and life happens.

After that my relationships with men changed drastically and it took my life down a dark path. I have been through the worst. I have been abused by men physically, verbally, and emotionally. I have had someone who was “in love” with me have not one but three babies with other women while we were together. There have been suicide attempts, and my self- esteem was non-existent. The path that I had planned for my life at eighteen changed and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was lost.

Now, at thirty- five I have done my work, and I have healed from the pains of my past. I have  learned valuable life lessons. While some would think I have regrets, I don’t. Those experiences and the pain I went through have shaped my testimony and made me who I am today. I am happy, I am vibrant, I am wise, and I am love.  However, I did not come to this place of happiness by myself. I had a great network of sister’s who were there to hold my hand through every step of the way. They came and got me the night I said I didn’t want to live anymore. They prayed with me and for me. They came and held my hand when I found out my “boyfriend” had an entire family on the side and I f*@ked the house up. They drove me to job interviews when I didn’t have a license. They did my hair when I had no money. They encouraged me to go to therapy. They were cheering me on from the sidelines when I decided to finish school. They gave of their time and talents when I founded Elev8her.

So, my reason why is simple. I know first-hand the power of sisterhood. I know the power of women uplifting each other. I know the power of women working together. I know the magic that happens when we dream together. I know this because my sisters were my light when I had none. It is important to me to share my journey with other women. It is important to me to have a safe space where women can be honest and real. It is important to me to have a space that fosters growth in women. It is important to me to have a space that encourages you to dream.
I created Elev8her to be all of those things and much more.

Girl, Bye ! What Level You On?

So really, Have you ever had anyone tell you “They not on my level”?

I have. I hear people say it often. It annoys me to no end. I always wonder what level are you on exactly? Have you ascended that far that you are now out of reach?



Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I sing “Diva” by Beyoncé at the top of my lungs. My favorite line is “I’m taking it to another level, no passengers on my plane.” However, just being honest my goal isn’t to “level up” and leave everyone else behind.

I always wonder when people use the phrase “not on my level” if they have forgotten what “levels” they overcame to get to their current position?



Everyone has a story. Everyone’s story contains trials and tribulations right along with triumph. I sincerely believe that your story’s architect is the one who sits on the highest throne. Whatever level you are currently on is right where you are supposed to be. There is a lesson that you must learn, a life you must touch, an experience you must have, that will happen on that very level.


Now, here is the real question. Instead of condemning (throwing shade) at people for where they are in life. If you have ascended to levels that are beyond reach (in your mind) why not give someone else a word of encouragement, a piece of advice, a helping hand, or just show some love. I am sure that you didn’t get to your level all by your lonesome.

That’s just my two cents…I mean I am just speaking from the peanut gallery.



Protect Your Space

My space is SACRED.

I do not like negativity, cattiness, superficial people. I am in a space where I need honesty and transparency if you’re going to be around me.

I don’t think people realize what “vibes” they carry and how they affect other people. Have you ever been around someone who loves to stay in a negative space? Everything they say is negative. Their words, their facial expressions, even the way they move. I do understand that some people just can’t help it (they may have some issues affecting their demeanor). Thier vibe is still transferable.

I am on a journey, and I must surround myself with genuine and positive people. Individuals who are emotionally healthy and can deal with adverse situations without looking like a rain cloud has permanently made a home over their head.

My vibe is love, peace, and happiness. Drama and negativity are not welcome in my world. Purging myself of negative people and situations was one of the best decisions I made. I was able to make room for positivity, light, love, and laughter. My space is sacred, and negativity is not welcome here.

You Gotta Love The Naysayers

I love a naysayer, a hater, a pessimist.

They make the world go round. I love when you share your goals with a naysayer and there is always a comment as to why you shouldn’t proceed. My favorite type of naysayer is the one who makes the “funny faces” that show their disdain but never vocalize their thoughts. I mean really, can you live life without the naysayer.

There was once a time when I used to despise the naysayers. They are dream crushers who spread negativity wherever they go. Now I just live by the old adage “make your haters your motivation”. I realize the naysayers are necessary. They keep you on your toes and focused on your goals.

So here is how I deal with the naysayers (haters):

Remember you don’t owe them an explanation – Your life is your own. Your decisions and your reasoning for anything that you do in life are your own. You don’t have to waste time explaining yourself to people who really are not there to help.

Protect you space and your dreams – I strongly believe in the power of the tongue and the energy that people can bring into your world (be it negative or positive). Don’t share your hopes and dreams with people who live in negative spaces.

Don’t talk to people who haven’t been where you are trying to go -This is self explanatory. I think the best way to describe these people is “jack of all trades, master of none”. This type of person has advice on everything but has accomplished nothing. Basically, they don’t have a clue what they are talking about.

HAVE CONFIDENCE AND FAITH IN YOURSELF There will always be someone to tell you “no” or “you can’t” it’s just the nature of some people. You know where you are going in life. Don’t doubt yourself. Have faith and dig deep and you will end up exactly where you are destined to be in life.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

The Beauty of Failure

I am a perfectionist. I try to be perfect at everything that I do, and that is one of my biggest downfalls.

In reality, I am a big goofball whose temperament changes with the wind (blame the Gemini in me). I strive for perfection but let’s be real – nobody is perfect. Facts, I fall short of my goal sometimes, and I get extremely frustrated. I blame my competitive nature. I love to WIN. The problem is that I sometimes find myself in the competition by myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the goal is always to become a better version of yourself. However, there is no race to the finish line. The most valuable life lessons come from failure. I am truly learning to embrace the times when I don’t win.

Sometimes, the best thing that can happen is to fail. Failure is the birth of beautiful new beginnings.