Don’t Come For My Feelings

Validation is something that we all need as humans. When we are going through troubled times the feeling of validation from your lover, family, or friend makes all of the difference. Validation says I am here, I see you, I hear you, I understand, and what you feel is important and matters. So often in relationships we forget the importance of validation. It says I love you, I want to communicate with you, and I accept you. The importance of validation cannot be overstated. It is a critical part in any healthy relationship.

When we don’t validate the feelings and emotions of those we hold dear it can cause an adverse reaction to the other person emotionally. Weather it be intentional or unintentional denying a person their right to whatever emotions they may have can cause extreme feelings of anxiety and confusion.

Surprisingly enough we invalidate others regularly and don’t even realize it. We do it when we ignore those who reach out to us to “just talk”. We do it when some people get so emotional they can’t seem to get their thought together we dismiss them as “bad communicators”. We do it when we decide we “are just not having the conversation”. We do it when we say ” you shouldn’t feel that way” or “I am sorry you feel that way”. Or my favorite “just move on from it”.

What Can We Do To Make A Person’s Feel Validated

  • We must begin to understand that validating someone’s feelings or emotions does not mean you agree, you can say your emotions are valid but that does not necessarily mean you have to like it.
  • Everything is not about you! Learn to listen without being defensive. If you are the cause of the emotion take responsibility for whatever part you played be it big or small. Listen to hear and not to respond. Speak with love.
  • LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN ! Listen for understanding.  Do not try to tell the person how they feel.
  • Be Present. Hold their hand, sit with them while they cry, send a card, let your presence be known. let the person know that you heard them and you understand their position (and while you may not agree all the time understanding goes a long way). Always be authentic and genuine. Don’t forget to act and speak with LOVE!

Walking In The Truth

Reality Check as defined by Merriam – Webster is something that clarifies or serves as a reminder of reality, often by correcting a misconception.

I am a dreamer. I get lost in love. I always look for the best in people and situations. I am overly loyal to people in situations that I know could be detrimental to my well being. I am optimist who sometimes lives in a dream world full of false hope. That’s me 💁🏽

Facts, reality checks are a way of life for me. I constantly take account of situations and people in my life. In my world these checks are necessary. I have the tendency to romanticize situations in my life. It’s a horrible habit. So I check myself often.

The importance of a reality check is quite simple: it saves you a lot of heartache and pain in the long run. As women we sometimes operate on what we want and how we “feel” instead of what is real. We listen to words and ignore the actions. We get lost in the thought that we can change a situation or a person with our love 😒. We must learn to watch the signs. Listen to what people say and do. Learn to access situations and people often and if it’s harmful to you WALK AWAY.

I am a walking testimony of the empowering feeling that you get from walking away for people and situations that no longer serve you. You don’t have to be loud about it. You don’t have to offer an explanation. Just walk away with grace, take the lessons that you have learned and apply them to your life.

You got the juice now ❤️

It’s Time To Be Real – My Reason Why



Today, as I was going over a few topics that I have written down to blog about I realized that I never shared with you “my reason why”.  What made me decide to found Elev8her?
Well, I would be remiss not to share my “why” with you.

Let’s start at the beginning. I had a wonderful childhood. One could say I had a charmed childhood. I was a spoiled daddy’s girl (I still am) who did not have a care in the world. My parents did a great job of shielding me from the troubles of the world. I often think maybe they did to good of a job because when I left for school at the age of eighteen, I was completely naive.

My first year in college was a roller coaster ride. It wasn’t the freedom that got me, it was the men (Pause here: No I didn’t leave home and become promiscuous). In high school, I never had a “real” boyfriend. My father always encouraged me to enjoy life and not spend my time concentrating on boys. So after my one great heartache that’s  what I did in high school…I enjoyed my life. Fast forward back to college, I had no idea how to interact with men or have healthy relationships.

My first “relationship” (I guess you could call it that) was with a man much older than me. I met him on my first day of band camp. He was controlling and liked to alienate me from my friends. Oh, and did I forget to mention unbeknown to me he was married. That “relationship” didn’t last long. After that monstrosity, I met one of the sweetest men I have ever known. He was a musician (insert fist pump), he was giving, he was kind, and he was fine. To date it was one of my best relationships. We, of course, didn’t last because we were young, and life happens.

After that my relationships with men changed drastically and it took my life down a dark path. I have been through the worst. I have been abused by men physically, verbally, and emotionally. I have had someone who was “in love” with me have not one but three babies with other women while we were together. There have been suicide attempts, and my self- esteem was non-existent. The path that I had planned for my life at eighteen changed and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was lost.

Now, at thirty- five I have done my work, and I have healed from the pains of my past. I have  learned valuable life lessons. While some would think I have regrets, I don’t. Those experiences and the pain I went through have shaped my testimony and made me who I am today. I am happy, I am vibrant, I am wise, and I am love.  However, I did not come to this place of happiness by myself. I had a great network of sister’s who were there to hold my hand through every step of the way. They came and got me the night I said I didn’t want to live anymore. They prayed with me and for me. They came and held my hand when I found out my “boyfriend” had an entire family on the side and I f*@ked the house up. They drove me to job interviews when I didn’t have a license. They did my hair when I had no money. They encouraged me to go to therapy. They were cheering me on from the sidelines when I decided to finish school. They gave of their time and talents when I founded Elev8her.

So, my reason why is simple. I know first-hand the power of sisterhood. I know the power of women uplifting each other. I know the power of women working together. I know the magic that happens when we dream together. I know this because my sisters were my light when I had none. It is important to me to share my journey with other women. It is important to me to have a safe space where women can be honest and real. It is important to me to have a space that fosters growth in women. It is important to me to have a space that encourages you to dream.
I created Elev8her to be all of those things and much more.

Loving Unconditionally

As a woman, I have had more than my fair share of heartaches and unhealthy relationships. I have been hurt, and my self- esteem and faith in love have been non-existent. I have spent nights crying and praying for God to heal me so that I can receive the love that is designed for me.

A woman’s heart is incredible. We get hurt by people we love and still find enough strength to pray for love again. Our hearts remain open, and our capacity to love remains unchanged.

Here is my question, how do women who are so eager to love continue to be hurt? It has to be everyone else right? Or, is it something we are doing?

I often wonder if our take on love (in relationships) is a little skewed. We as women always talk about unconditional love. We talk about how we give unconditional love. We talk about how we deserve unconditional love. Here’s the catch, do we understand what unconditional love is?

I believe that unconditional love is uncommon. In today’s society, there are so many things that influence our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs on love. We start to form these unrealistic expectations on how love should be and what love looks like based on these influences. We think love should make a certain amount of money, have a high profile career, spoil you, change what you don’t like about them for you,  I could go on and on, but you get the picture. We are taught that love must be earned, and when the person hasn’t “earned” our love, we take it away.

Unconditional love is uncommon because we put stipulations and requirements on love. We only offer love when the person meets our demands. As women, we do our best to love, but we must learn to stop projecting our hurt, anger, and unrealistic expectations on the very people we are trying to love.

So, What is unconditional love? It is love without any expectations; it holds no stipulations, it does not come with strings attached. Unconditional love is always present even when we get disappointed. Unconditional love is comforting, it is honest, it is empowering, and it elevates us.

Ladies, Unconditional love is uncommon, but it is not unattainable. We must begin to be agents of change for ourselves. We must first let go of what is holding us back. It may be hurt from a broken relationship or letting go of your expectations. It starts with you. Give your love unconditionally (of course to someone deserving) and watch how love changes your world.

First Corinthians 12:4-8 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Dream Without Limitations



On Saturday, January 21, 2017, Elev8Her had it’s very first event! It was amazing!

We held an intimate Vision Board Brunch that was love, laughter, fun, support, and sisterhood. We turned our dreams into a vision, and we will turn our visions into reality in 2017.

We also talked about the importance of accountability and keeping each other uplifted throughout the year. I am so thankful for the lovely ladies that came out to share their Saturday afternoon with Elev8her.

I am so looking forward to doing a vision check with all of the ladies in about three months.

Girl, Bye ! What Level You On?

So really, Have you ever had anyone tell you “They not on my level”?

I have. I hear people say it often. It annoys me to no end. I always wonder what level are you on exactly? Have you ascended that far that you are now out of reach?



Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I sing “Diva” by Beyoncé at the top of my lungs. My favorite line is “I’m taking it to another level, no passengers on my plane.” However, just being honest my goal isn’t to “level up” and leave everyone else behind.

I always wonder when people use the phrase “not on my level” if they have forgotten what “levels” they overcame to get to their current position?



Everyone has a story. Everyone’s story contains trials and tribulations right along with triumph. I sincerely believe that your story’s architect is the one who sits on the highest throne. Whatever level you are currently on is right where you are supposed to be. There is a lesson that you must learn, a life you must touch, an experience you must have, that will happen on that very level.


Now, here is the real question. Instead of condemning (throwing shade) at people for where they are in life. If you have ascended to levels that are beyond reach (in your mind) why not give someone else a word of encouragement, a piece of advice, a helping hand, or just show some love. I am sure that you didn’t get to your level all by your lonesome.

That’s just my two cents…I mean I am just speaking from the peanut gallery.



3 Ways to Save on your Summer Vacation

Summer Summer Summer Time!!

In the words of West Philly’s own Fresh Prince.Even though old man winter is still here, summer is just a few months away. For most this is the best and most fun time of the year.  But how can you enjoy the summer without taking at least one vacation? 

Many tend to believe there is some secret bank account that uses a formula that helps friends and family (who you constantly watch travel channel) save up their money for a vacation.  Now don’t get me wrong some folks do have it like that (I’m not one of those people… lol), but most folks need to do some planning before they hop on a plane!  
No matter where you want to go for vacation, there are plenty of ways to save and reduce your expenses while still enjoying the beautiful sunny beach or cold alpine mountains.  I am going to share three easy ways to Save Money on your vacation!

LODGING:  It is no secret that transportation and lodging can be the two biggest expenses while traveling.  Here’s how to beat the 5-Star Blues.  I’ve never heard anyone say, “I can’t wait to go to LA just to sleep at the W.”  Vacation is all about the destination.  I hardly ever stay at the big expensive hotels.

 BED AND BREAKFAST– I have fallen in love with the quaint vibe at a B&B.  They are very comfortable, clean, inexpensive and great for meeting people.   B&B (Bed and Breakfast) locations provide a kitchen for you to cook and store your food which substantially reduces your food costs while saving on your lodging.  In some instances, I have been able to rent an entire apartment for less than a one night stay at a 3.5-star hotel.  Some great resources for finding alternative lodging are AIRBNB.COM and BEDANDBREAKFAST.COM   
HOUSE SITTER – I know this one sounds crazy…lol.   Some people will barter free lodging to care for their home while THEY are gone away on vacation.  It’s a win-win for everyone involved.  Free lodging to watch over a residence…. EASY!  Here are some great resources to get you started HOUSECARERS.COM and MINDMYHOUSE.COM.   

I was guilty of this just like I am sure most of you are.  We always want to avoid “the deals “or “giving out our email” but don’t be so quick to walk away from one of these opportunities.  Rewards can come in different forms, but they are all REWARDS.  

•    Credit Card- You have to use a credit card to reserve or charge some part of your trip.  Why not sign up or start to use the card that offers you the most rewards and incentives.  Start to build and redeem the points you accumulate.  
    Lodging/ Car Rental- Many hotels and rental car chains offer returning customer awards and discounts.  Be sure to sign up for these benefits especially if you know you enjoy using a particular company for your services.  I like to call this “Keeping it in the Family.”    

Being able to enjoy a cost effective vacation is all about planning and research.  You have to know what your budget can and can’t handle.  Being FLEXIBLE is the biggest way you can save.  Determine where you would like to go and start looking peak and off-peak dates.  Off-season dates will provide you more flexibility and greater options for your vacation pleasures.  Also, consider leaving a day earlier or a day later.  These small changes can big differences in cost.  However, don’t spend too much time debating prices and trying to find a dirt-cheap option because you may miss out on really great deals.  

You could ignore everything I just said, but that’s the surest way to spend more than you need.  A little more patience will pay off in a big way.